Do you remember the excitement that you felt when you purchased your first car (especially if it was your dream car) ?

Do you remember how (lowkey) excited you were when you finally got the latest phone? What about when you purchased your first home?

Fast forward a little, and think about how that excitement slowly started to dwindle. For some of us the very thing that we so badly desired even started to become a nuisance. Maybe even a regret?

May I argue (if I have permission to be candid) that marriage can be the exact same way if it is not approached with sobriety and the guidance of the Holy Spirit or  if its undertaken with an idolatrous heart. 

There are many misconceptions surrounding marriage, biblical marriage that is. As people who’ve been born and raised in the Western Hemisphere, our interpretation regarding life altogether is jacked up (in my opinion).  

What marriage is not:

-Marriage is not about you.

-It was not designed to make you the happiest woman (or man) on earth. 

-It was not designed for you to objectify your spouse and reduce him to an ATM machine or her to a mere maid, assistant, accountant, or someone who is obligated to fulfill your sexual desires. 

-It was not designed as a means to make you feel whole (as society suggests) as no human on earth can ever do that.

-It is not some “thing” or institution that should be lauded by you as a means for bragging rights and/or attention. 

-It is not something you should just casually enter into because: you’re lonely, financially insecure, getting “old”, in need of someone to cook and wash your clothes, or because all your peers are doing it. 

-Although we are visually stimulated as humans, marriage is not something you should partake in because someone is “fine”, dark skinned (or light skin), has a nice build, nice teeth, or "good hair".This thought process is shallow and immature to say the least, yet it is so common. (Do you look the exact same as you did 10 years ago? --- 10 years from today, you will not look the same either.)

-Our value should not be contingent upon our marital status, contrary to what society has programmed us to believe. Our value is derived from being made in the image of God for his glory. Not our own. Our identity isn't rooted in being married or sexually expressive. It is OK to be single and still dignified. In fact, the Apostle Paul encouraged singlehood (1 Corinthians ch. 7). Since we were solely created to worship our creator, his glory should take precedence over everything -- including marriage and our sexual desires. For this reason, Paul stated in verses 33 and 34: "But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband" (NLT). In a nutshell, believers who are married have to contend with their devotion being divided between their Creator and their marriage. 

A spouse will not fix you. They will not make you whole or even happy at times. In fact, if you choose the wrong spouse, they may do the exact opposite. YOU (a mere human)  can not fix your spouse either. You do not have the capacity to "complete" another human. We are not that powerful.  Take a moment to examine yourself as a person. Think about the days you aren't feeling well mentally, are anxious, physcially exhausted, consumed by agonizing insecurities, and the list goes on. How then, during this time, can you magically make another human being feel "good" or "happy" when you're not even happy? Society (namely America) has sold us a fictitious, delusional, unrealistic ideology of what marriage truly is. For us women, it is not some prize that we are awarded for drawing closer to God. Please try to understand this. It is so disheartening to live within a society that has conditioned us (women) , as believers, to feel undignified for being unwed. This sentiment has even spilled over into the church. It is almost as if marriage is lauded as the Varsity Football team while singlehood is considered a measly Junior Varsity. While (biblical) marriage is a beautiful, honorable institution and assignment... it is not the end all, be all. Our Lord Jesus Christ, when asked by the Sadducees about marriage in the resurrection, answered "For when the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage. In this respect they will be like the angels in heaven" (Matthew 22:30 NLT). This statement alone demonstrates that marriage should not be the ultimate focus. May I challenge all single believers to consider the wealth we possess? We have undivided devotion to God, increased freedom and flexibility for ministry, personal growth, and a deeper self discovery and identity in Christ. I can see someone scoffing at this sentiment like "yeah, yeah, yeah... thats cool and all but I want a husband (or wife) now!" I urge you to examine your heart while simultaneously submitting your desires to the will of God. Ask yourself "why do I actually  want to get married?" Is it for status? To post on social media? To feel accomplished? To feel superior? Do I even love myself? Because Im lonely and I feel that I'd be complete with a companion? --As a single woman myself, I completely understand not wanting to be lonely as companionship and help was one of the reasons  marriage was instituted. (Genesis 2:18) 

Enough about what marriage is not. Let's transition into what this holy institution is.

What marriage is:

-Marriage is a covenant (a sacred, binding agreement) between God, your spouse, and yourself. 

-One of the sole purposes of marriage is to be fruitful and multiply. (Genesis ch. 1) To expand the kingdom of God with your body. To make disciples. (children) 

-The most essential purpose of marriage is holiness hence our reference to it as a holy matrimony. It is a sanctifying agent. It should mirror the relationship between Christ and his bride (the church).

-In marriage, spiritual maturity and wisdom tells you that you are a sinner becoming one with another sinner. Neither of you are greater, more qualified, or more intelligent than the other. You both are saved by grace,through faith (Ephesians ch. 2), and because of this you should both be humble enough to extend that same grace to each other. 

- Knowing that marriage should reflect the covenant between Christ and his church, we must be willing to be patient (longsuffering) with our spouses just as Christ is patient with us (his bride). Therefore, if you are only pursuing a spouse for any of the reasons mentioned in the first segment, it is best for you to remain single. Your spouse (or future spouse) will disappoint and let you down (the same way we let Christ down). He/she is a sinner, and so are you.

- In marriage, it would behoove us to perpetually look introspectively at ourselves. It is easy to stand on the outside of another human being and take inventory of all their shortcomings. But what about you?  It takes the power of the holy spirit (as we can not do it on our own) to humble ourselves and avoid being delusional about who we really are. 

-"Marriage acts as a mirror by reflecting your true self, exposing hidden flaws, strengths, triggers and insecurities, forcing personal growth, self awareness, and refinement rather than acting as a hiding place or quick fix."

-A husband and wife pursuing the gospel will grow closer together than a husband and wife focused solely on their own happiness. 

Marriage is a gift from God that should be grounded in his purpose, not ours. The world suggests that it designed for our own personal happiness, and some will even say it is just a "social contract". I've been to plenty of weddings in my life, but it wasnt until last year at my youngest cousiin's wedding that I listened intently to the vows being expressed. I was moved. I was also intimidated. I thought to myself "Do people really know what they're getting into when they get  married?" LOL (seriously though). This is not something that should be taken lightly. It's much more significant than the expensive garments and venue, bright lights, wedding party, and everything else that comes with the ceremony. Eventually, the excitement will subside and the smoke will clear. A fulfilling Christian marriage does not happen overnight -- it's an ongoing journey of faith, love, sacrifice, and growth. Within marriage, husbands are to exercise a role of self- sacrificial headship and wives a posture of godly submission to their husbands. This instituition points us to our hope in Christ returning to claim his bride, making marriage a living picture of the gospel of grace. 

As singles, I challenge us to stop and meditate on what marriage truly is beyond what the world teaches us. May we undoubtedly grasp the commitment, sacrifice, and selflessness it requires. It is a partnership rooted in love and shared purpose, demanding effort and the power of the Holy Spirit to nurture and sustain. It is not merely a source of personal fulfillment but a sacred bond that shapes lives, families, communites, and churches for the better. Amen.

​​​​​​​Grace and Peace 

- P.C.